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How do you stay open and responsive when people around you are emotionally triggered?
John Faisandier
In 1998 John Faisandier had a vision that he could help people manage emotions at work. He saw that people in organizations did not deal well with angry and upset customers or colleagues, and he believed that people could learn to manage their own emotions and respond well to others when they were being difficult. He wanted workplaces to become more effective and satisfying places to work.
Over the past twenty years since then, John has worked with thousands of people around the world, studied research and thought deeply about this topic which has led him to write a book, create stimulating workshops and develop interactive online training through his New Zealand-based company TUF: Thriving Under Fire.
His volunteer teaching in Tonga, the Catholic priesthood, parish ministry, primary school, hospital, prison chaplaincy and Race Relations mediation work lay the foundation for him to become a practical emotional intelligence teacher. He has trained and worked as a psychodramatist in a drug and alcohol treatment hospital, ran several businesses, served briefly as a US Navy chaplain in Antarctica, led psychodrama workshops in a motorcycle gang pad in Christchurch, and worked with bank executives in Bangladesh.
In today’s conversation with us, John shares the common reactions to feelings and emotions that we have, how to improve our ability to respond, how to stay safe when others are upset, the distinction between empathy and sympathy, and how to apply these practices and build better relationships at work and at home.
Key Takeaways
- Using psychodrama, rather than just talking about what’s on their mind, participants can act it out.
- Most people haven’t learned to manage their own feelings.
- Feelings are neither good nor bad, they are simply feelings and they tell us something about our values.
- Emotions are like the fingerprints of the soul.
- Anger is quite often a secondary emotion, behind which we hide other emotions that make us vulnerable.
- As a leader, it may not be appropriate for people to see your underlying emotions but it is important that you know what they are.
- Attempting to name your feelings out loud (labelling them) can actually be counter-productive because the other person may not be able to cope with what you’re feeling in that moment.
- True leaders can be with other people in their distress.
- Stories are full of emotion so the stories we tell ourselves affect who we are and how we are.
- We have a desire to change people partly because they make us feel uncomfortable.
Free Gift & Resources
- Free eBook: How To Make An Effective Apology
- Thriving Under Fire: How To Turn Difficult Customers Into Business Success
Connect With John Faisandier
- Website: https://www.tuf.co.nz
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/john.faisandier
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnfaisandier
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