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How can we resolve conflict and defuse tension in a way that empowers both parties?
Hesha Abrams
Hesha Abrams is a professional peacemaker, an internationally acclaimed master attorney mediator, negotiator, and author, known for crafting highly creative settlements and resolutions in very difficult matters.
With 30+ years in the trenches of resolving human conflict, Hesha has recently distilled her skills into an easy-to-use tool kit, her new book, Holding the Calm: The Secret to Resolving Conflict and Defusing Tension. Through stories and examples, she shares her secrets enabling anyone to learn how to approach tense situations to prevent explosions, disarm conflicts, settle disputes, and reduce drama.
It is her mission to help make our world, our businesses, and our relationships less acrimonious and more harmonious. Today we discuss key concepts and techniques from her new book, Holding the Calm that you can begin applying right away.
If you’ve ever found yourself in middle of a conflict or tense situation (who hasn’t?) you’re going to want to listen all the way to the end. When it comes to mediation and negotiation, Hesha is literally one of the best in the world.
What We Discuss in this Episode
- The advanced class for resolving conflict and defusing tension
- How to hold the calm in any situation
- How to speak into the ears of the person or people listening
- Managing your amygdala triggers
- Creating a moat between your emotions and the conflict itself
- Why rational logic is never the answer
- The importance of diagnosing the underlying issue before attempting to resolve the conflict
- How to engage the law of reciprocity
- How to build rapport with someone who doesn’t like you or trust you
- The very best sentence stems to get anyone to listen to you
- How to validate someone when you really don’t like or agree with them
- Recognizing the needs of the other person
- Using your tone effectively to defuse tension and conflict
- Masterful negotiation and $100M deal-making techniques
- How to identify and align opposing self-interests
- Using humor to defuse high stakes tension
- The myth about winning and losing
- Understanding difficult people at the core
- When yelling is an appropriate response
- Applying servant leadership to conflict resolution
- Using the Holding The Calm book as a team building tool
- How to hold the calm for others
Podcast Highlights
1:25 – Why Hesha wrote the book, Holding The Calm
7:14 – How to hold your calm in a tense situation
12:45 – Why rational logic is never the answer
18:00 – Real life examples of high stakes conflict resolution
26:18 – Knocking human asteroids off course
31:45 – Masterful deal making
36:10 – The myth about winning and losing
40:20 – When it’s appropriate to yell
44:00 – Holding The Calm team building
47:00 – Bonding over ice cream
50:30 – Holding the calm for others
Episode Resources 
- Hesha Abram’s book – Holding The Calm
- Book previews and media appearances: HoldingTheCalm.com
Connect With Hesha Abrams
- Website: HoldingTheCalm.com
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/hesha-abrams-esq/
- YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPcPngGiIF-GlC8w1l3sH8A
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HeshaAbramsHoldingTheCalm
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