160: Bill Ferguson: Part 1 – How To Create Loving Relationships

How do you create loving relationships, and restore love when it has been lost?

As a former divorce attorney, Bill Ferguson discovered the secret to healing painful relationships. 15% of Bill’s clients never divorced and the ones who did were able to part as friends. The producers of Oprah were so moved by his work that they featured him on one of their shows.

Bill Ferguson’s book, How To Heal A Painful Relationship, became a bestseller and he was invited to be a keynote speaker at the Texas Counseling Association annual convention, addressing over 2300 counselors and therapists. Bill has also been featured on several radio shows and has been recommended by both The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post.

In our conversation with Bill, he quickly dives in and shares the key to all upset, what creates loving relationships and what destroys them. He goes on to explain the cycle of conflict and how to use acceptance and acknowledgement to heal broken relationships, how to know when the relationship is a good fit or not, and the #1 killer of all relationships (be prepared for a surprise!).

Bill ends Part 1 of this 2-Part series by describing cause and effect, its impact on our ability to have power over our life, and how all this applies to healing our world at large.

Get your notepad ready! Lots to learn for anyone who desires to create more loving relationships and a peaceful world.

Then stay tuned next week for Part 2 where we explore with Bill the deeper hurts that mess up people’s lives.

Key Takeaways

1) Love is not enough to have a relationship work. The divorce court is full of people who love each other.

2) Who we are is the experience of love. In that experience of love, you are whole and complete. You are happy and free, positive, and great things happen. That’s the essence of who we are. In the experience of love we get to experience who we are.

3) What creates love in relationship is giving the gift of acceptance and appreciation. Acceptance is nothing more than surrendering to the truth. When you at peace with the truth, that’s when solutions and opportunities exist.

4) Most of the time, when a relationship isn’t working, underneath there is a cycle of conflict – hurting, attacking and withdrawing from each other.  That’s when I’m focused on the other person and can only see what’s wrong with them.

5) Relationships are not 50/50, they are 100/100. In order to have a cycle of conflict, you MUST have two active participants. It is physically impossible to have a cycle of conflict with one person. It’s like a tennis volley. When you stop serving the ball of non-acceptance, the cycle ends.

6) Upsets are never caused by what happened. An upset is a state of mind and can only exist when we are fighting the truth about what happened. 

7) All destructive behavior comes from hurt. Get rid of the hurt and the destructive behavior disappears. When you get rid of the hurt there is love, and in the love, there is no destructive behavior. The evil on the planet ultimately is nothing more than our collective hurt, which is forcing destructive behavior.

Additional Resources 

Book – How To Heal A Painful Relationship

Connect With Bill Ferguson

www.masteryofrelationships.com